Oh for fucksake and jeezusHchrist, I already know I'm a total bearded dickface so save it. Things are confusing and messy and cloudy and shit but that doesn't mean I can't take a little vacation down to good ol' Los Angeles for a day or six and do all things touristy, right? By touristy I mean sitting in the front row at Leno and being handed a chance to look at a pregnant actress panties during the entire taping of the show. First I have to admit that I was totally high the whole time and second I am disappointed that I didn't get a chance to meet Fatso, my hero. Everyone's all OMG HOW DID YOU GET THIS HOOKUP and I'm like yeah I know peeps who know I like to see pregnant actress panties oh and tight ass country singer jeans including man-toe. I also ate Roscoes and Pinks and Pinkberry and you'd think that Roscoes still held my heart but after a meal of pastrami ON TOP OF MY HOT DOG then following that orgasm up with weird plain frozen yogurt holy crap, it's reason enough to move down to LA I swear. I might be banned for a while though because I told off quite a few people including the boyband reject KJ at some supposed karaoke hotspot and some prick homo at some prick Chinese restaurant. Yes, I drank a lot more than is acceptable-thank god for that Gran Burrito place in the ghetto because those mexicans saved my ass, even if they do poison white people with 'hamburgers'. Who orders a hamburger in a place like that anyway? Crackers do, that's who. I'm only half cracker so I'm not talking about myself here. I also spent a fair amount of time at the beach because it was hotter than crazy, starting fires and shit. I saw this one chic power walking along the sand like a mofo, her iPod on blast, and I thought OMG IS THAT XTX BECAUSE I WILL TACKLE HER FINE ASS RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW but I didn't want to take the chance being I was still drunk from the night before and not being able to get up from my blanket etc. Drinking is getting as old as I am and just when I think I'm over it I accidentally get shitfaced as soon as I got back from my vacation and had to call in sick. I swear it was an accident too. Well ok maybe not because I was drinking with Irish maniacs but they weren't my planned company for the night so see? Accidental-like most anal. Oh that reminds me, I bought a hella cute jacket that the hot wife on Curb Yer Enth wore on the show at some freaky thriftish store and that was mostly for Dan. It was either that or a can of Spam costume and I know some of you are kind of mad at the decision I made, but dude that can was thirty bucks-fuck that!
I think I'm convenient and that's annoying.
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3 comments:
you don't need to dress like spam when your heart is spam. most anal may or may not be accidental...but the best is for sure.
i am dissapointed you did not buy the spam costume.
and, yes, that was me on the beach.
too bad you didn't tackle me and say the code word, because we would've had oral right there on the sand.
you crack my shit up, every GD time. telling off prick hobos in chinese restaurants. comedy.
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