3.5 wks

This has to be some kind of fucking record, right? Well I guess it's more of a non-fucking record if you're gonna get all technical with it, be that way, jerk. Yeah, go ahead and rub it in. You heard me. Anyway. I was at the mall the other day, I just strolled along by myself and would find myself ducking in and out of the usual stores. Some were for girls a lot younger than me but I still kind of feel like I can get away with it because I'm little and youngish looking. I tell ya, I can fool you with like 10 years, I swear. Well I also found myself in the same stores, at the same time with this stunning ladyperson. It wasn't like I was stalking her or anything, and trust me I would totally tell you if I was, but I guess we were just walking on the same path in the mall-two people who started at the same place. So I told you she was stunning and she was. She was thin and porceline and had a really cute little sloped nose. My guess is that she was a ballerina and I guessed this because she was thin yet muscular and had very good posture. Like, she was silently encouraging me to straighten up. Her hair was dark and her eyelashes long. She had little boobs but a killer butt. I think you get it, she was a looker. I'd hit it. Anyway, a little while later I found me and my fake-shopping buddy in a shoe store where the shoes are expensive but sexy-just like me. haha, just kidding, I'm not THAT sexy. So I'm waiting for the sales guy to bring out fourteen pairs of shoes for me so I'm just sitting back on the leather couch with both arms splayed out to the side, you know, relaxin. Of course in walks lady friend and she seemed to know exactly what she wanted because she walked up to a black patent leather jobby and asked for a size 8. She sat kind of across from me and got ready to try them on by taking off her own shoes. You know when someone's voice doesn't match their face? Well her feet didn't match her at all because they were gnarley. I'm serious. Our fake-friendship ended right then and there and maybe that's silly or petty of me but damn woman! And I think that locked up the fact that she's a ballerina. I bet you only kept reading because you thought something better would happen so sorry to dissapoint you. Oh wait, here's something! Soon after that I got a text message that read, "I'm gonna jack off in yer hair." It was from a girl. I laughed and tried on all those shoes and walked out the opposite way of my ex fake friend.
Like I said, it's some kind of non-fucking record.

Only a couple more days of livin my life as xtx' favorite number and it seems that all of my friends have become knocked up douchebags. seriously, all of them. they're all knocked up. they're all killing me with their douchebaggery. i'm being a bit of a crybaby so ok enough. check this out. i get a month off work. for free. this is in recognition of working in the same spot for 5+ distinguished years. so i am busy planning what i will do with this time and it's harder than you think, especially because the state of california is being a huge dickface and not sending me my money. you know what california, you stupid bitch? what if i owed YOU money and was like "hey, i mis-managed my money so unfortunately i'm not going to be able to pay you. indefinitely. whoops! sorry about that." yeah right, try saying anything close to that and half my check is going to that dirty whore california and i wouldn't be able to say shit about it. so what i'm saying is, california i love you and your perfect weather but give me my fucking money. skank. i do not know why california is a female. i digress. i am leaving this country during that free month off. i am also running a marathon. i am also camping. not in that order. when i leave the country i will go to another country where i only speak the language when i am drunk. well guess what?! since i am training for that marathon i am not drinking! how will i converse with the people in this foreign land? how will i make out with girls in their 20's without first drinking 3 beers followed by 3 shots? (that is not required but it is usually what preceeds my making-out-with-2o-yr-old-shenanigans.) hot 20 somethings love me and they love making out with me. it is a curse. one that i hope never ends.