I'm turning in work that will be submitted for some statewide student competition and the shit makes my pits sweat and not in that hot Juliette Lewis on stage in spandex kind of way. In my very high and inflated opinion of myself, there is only one other person in my class that is up on me with his design skillz but thats ok, we're not competing against each other or at least I don't think we are. I'd peel that guy's shallots. He's legit. (Not code for anything)
Anyway, I was leaving the mall the other day and it seemed like this chic was following me to my car because she was kinda next to me since the shoe store I stalked. Weird that she walked to the car right next to mine and when we got to our cars, she was driving one just like the first car I ever purchased with my own money given to me by my grampa. So I'm like 'Hey, I used to have a car just like that! Crazies!' and she goes "Weird, yeah I've had it since 1998" and I'm all "Dude, I traded mine in that SAME year" and she's like "NO WAY" and yep, you guessed it, same fucking car. So then I'm all "Dude, is it cursed for you because that bitch was cursed for me" and you could tell by her eyebrow movement that she was not amused. I'm like "Yeah, one time, at this very mall, someone keyed
HERPES HAVING BITCH
across the entire passenger side of that mofo!" Then I laughed and shook my head and in my mind went back to the day I rolled up to some dude at a light and he's motioning to me with his hand in a circular direction like roll down your window and I'm thinking dude, you mean "..." and I made the little finger pushing a switch down motion because duh, power windows. He's goes "Did you know it says
HERPES HAVING BITCH
across the side of your car?" and I'm thinking NO WHAT THE SHIT!??!! and jumped out of my car post haste and sure enough that's what it said, it said
HERPES HAVING BITCH
and that shit was keyed from tire to tire. I'm sure I've told this story before and I'm sorry if you've heard it but it's weird that this chic was parked right next to me, no? So the light turned green and the guy goes "Hey good luck with the herpes!" and drove off while I stood there in shock, everyone behind me honking like impatient assholes with no concern for the bitch with herpes*. That's when I knew it was gonna be a good day.
*I don't have herpes.
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7 comments:
g'day
i wondered how long it would take before you started recycling...HERPES HAVING BITCH.
;-)
One of the best moment of my life is when my dumb boyfriend asked me, "hey, do you have any idea who keyed HERPES HAVING BITCH on the side of her car?".
To this day, not a soul believes that I didn't do it.
Is Juliette STILL hot these days? Haven't seen her in, like, a while.
i want to know why that was keyed on your car, whore.
haha, you've surprisingly never told me this story.
uh, i think once you get your whore wings and you keep fucking other people's boyfriends--having shit like that herpes situation is just apart of the job. check this out--i have been fucking a lot of other people's men, not surprising, i know, but I got this call from one of them being like UH, I HEARD YOU HAVE HERPES and i start laughing and i was like--no, i don't but these aids lesions are getting out of fucking control. It's a real shame when you have to spread worse rumors about yourself than the people trying to tarnish your reputation. Sorry I wrote a blog post in your comments. Long time no talk.
Sabrina_C
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