This text is set to "small" instead of "smallest" for old blind people since the old and blind is the demo for this blog

ok so yeah my binger will be 33 days rather than 30. so fucking what. fucking sue me. i don't know how i can be expected to run 13 miles hammered. it was not supposed to happen this way. speaking of hammered, i think it's charming when you young guys say words like 'hammered' and 'bro' and 'sick'. and when i say charming i mean that in a summer's eve kind of way. remember when i only attracted 23 year old hot chics who thought i too was 23 so it was ok for us to make out in public? well it appears i've moved on to 27 year old doucheys who think i too am 27 so it's ok to make out in public. yes sir, wear your aviators in bars at night and keep your breezy button down shirt buttoned down to show your hairless chest and silver ring on your middle finger. this is not the one who had my hand down his pants though. no, not him. i would never hold the cock of a man who wears a middle finger ring.

tight

3days until i start a 30day binger. wait, maybe 2 since that bitch should technically start friday. yesss friday. i plan on being a lady lunching a lot. lunching with all the friends i can't ever seem to make time for during the real life times. i plan on thrift shopping with my sigg bottle full of a vodka concoction twice weekly. i plan on catching the pig flu in mexico while making out with some bartender in some resort bathroom then recovering from said flu easily because i won't be able to tell if it's actually the flu or just a hangover. by recovering i mean shampooing my drunk into a nice drunken lather again. rinse. repeat. all i can talk about is being on vacation and when i get back i'm going to read this and be so fucking pissed off that i'm not still on vacation. i have 4 new years resolutionswritten on a piece of scrap paper and taped to the wall of my office. i have already failed at the first two. wait, looking at 3 & 4 it seems i am failing at those too. also, i gave breastfeeding advise yesterday.

ps. xtx, i'm coming to near you sometime in the next 30 days so whattaya say to a liquid lunch? and maybe a burrito. your beaches are better than mine.

16 days shy

hooray for the world, i am drinking again. 6 months is a long time and now i'm buzzed from one beer while i wait in line for an hour and a half for a hot dog. i'm buzzed from one glass of wine while i sit in a rocking chair with my feet up on the fire pit. i'm buzzed from 3 shots of rice wine, all taken with erect pinkies. it will be a long road to get back to the point of going down on 3 martinis before i notice the stirrings. one thing though, the conversations are easier. to start, at least. i'm the bravest little chicken shit you know. i don't need booze for anal and he does. weird.

i'm leaving on a
red-eye
for NY tomorrow.
not fun NY, upstate NY.
this trip comes at a very
inopportune time
for me as one of my traveling companions and i are in a
rough place.
fake smiles,
even for someone like me, are
ridiculous.
baseball hall of fame.
i would like to stand toe-to-toe with someone in
that town
and look into her eyes.
UP
into her eyes
(i'm short)
and give her the look of
doom.
i'm sure you had no idea how
scrappy
i am.
yankee game.
no beer.
lame.