happy birthday jesus, you magic man!

the best christmas tradition we have is the one where we stay in new pj's all day and drink mimosas. last year we also threw in 9 hours of guitar hero. i figured we'd do the same this year but instead we had all of the single men we know with nowhere to go on christmas day over to our house. this will always seem like a good idea when you think it in your head and even maybe when you say it out loud to said single men, but when they start showing up holding bottles of alcohol you start to wonder, really? what kind of idiot are you? I was happy to see 6 more bottles of champagne, you know, to keep the mimosa train rolling. when i saw 1 bottle of cheap vodka pass through my front door i was leary but thought that might also work well with the oj. but when one bachelor showed up with 1 bottle of absinthe...well lets just say i pretty much knew right there that this would end badly. already drunk me + pj's that show off more boob than is appropriate for men other than your boyfriend + being the only "lady"/attention whore in the house + absinthe layered over vodka layered over champagne = this will end badly. like i needed to lay that equation out for you. i remember dancing in the kitchen to some bowie on vinyl while i checked out my own rack in the mirror. i remember mentally high fiving myself but real life winking and finger-gun-shooting at myself as i admired my tits. i remember watching porn in the basement with 4 dudes watching behind me. i remember not being as uncomfortable with this as i probably should have been. i remember more dancing, more absinthe, and karaoke. then the rest comes in flashes. flash to puke. flash to the shower. flash to the bed. flash to another chic. flash to the dog barking. flash to finally locking the front door and turning off all the lights. at 10pm. TEN PM! now that's how you celebrate jesus' birthday right there.
i don't drink anymore.