I'll say this one more time because I'm still baffled by it....Yesterday in Yoga, on two separate occasions, someone was hella tooting, hella loud. I couldn't even believe that shit man. I was looking around for the piece of shit culprit but nobody had any kind of guilty look on their face which blew my mind even more than actual toots. Then again, maybe it was queefing and who knows better than anyone that you just can't control that kind of air? Me mutherfucker but still. Also, I think it's pretty easy to control a queef in Warrior I so yeah it was toots and what's worse is I'm 12 and toots still make me laugh so was laughing the kind of laugh where you try to hold it in but it comes out through your nose accompanied by snot. I know you're confused by my usage of the word 'toot' instead of 'fart' up there but today that f word is causing upset stomach and I can't even believe I just used it right there. Sick. The substitute yoga teacher also called the Happy Baby pose - the "Welcome Home, Honey!" pose and I seriously lost my shit on that one. Homegirl is like 60 and still presenting her flower like it bloomed just yesterday. That is so gross. It's true that I often think about sex via yoga poses like which I'll try next or which would maximize balls-in-my-face time. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who does this either but when I do it in class I find myself getting a little more worked up than is conducive to my workout. I don't have enough sex. Another fucked up thing about yesterday was when a good friend reminded me about the time my vibrator was stolen. No, I do not think it's sailing the pacific or hot air ballooning above Scotland. I'm pretty sure it's been up inside some meth-head whore since I don't believe yacht sailors or hot air ballooners steal vibrators. Then again, there is such a thing as Tommy Lee so yeah.
Naming your IM screenname a bible verse won't make me look it up so quit being so douchey. I'm not interested in what you're selling.
I only play piano when I'm sad.
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holding those laughs in can actually cause toot-ocity. beware. i do down dog to get my own balls in my own face. also, i coulda swore i saw your vibrator working on the solution to that san-hoe semaphore thing with a bunch of nerds a few months back. hmm!
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